So, here's the idea. Linux users are dedicated to their distribution of choice. Many new users experiment, testing the waters, with different distros before they decide on one to stick with. There are also those of us that use different distros for different purposes.
There are also those of us, although it might be rare, that have actually held down a relationship...and much like "switching distros," switching girlfriends can be hard. This kind of gave me an idea for those of you new to either linux or girlfriends. This is my guide to breaking up with your distro. It's written from the "guy breaking up with gal" point of view, but it can easily be modified for other ways. This is in my own personal order of how I've gone through distributions, by the way. I've updated it as needed since I haven't used a few in a long time, and done the research as needed. Also, I feel I need a nice little disclaimer saying simply: This is my personal experience, and is meant to be lighthearted. Please take it with a grain of salt, I'm not trying to offend anyone.
SuSE - STOP TALKING TO ME! We were NEVER together! It was ONE NIGHT! I was drunk and I regret EVERY second of it. I can't look in the mirror any more without being ashamed! I swear, if you don't stop calling me I'll get a restraining order! If I get one more dirty voice mail I'll tell everyone you're a STD virus warehouse...hell, I'm sure you are anyways...
Fedora/Red Hat - ...Fuck you, I'm done. Bye. No! BYE!
Mandrake (Mandriva, whatever) - You know what, I'm just sick of you. You're way too flakey for me. You're obsessed with looking pretty but completely fail to show growth behind those made up eyes. You're so in, so hip. What you don't get is that the only time people like you is when they first meet you. Once they get to know you it's all over, they have to move on. It's the same for me. Worst of all is I've never know a girl that demands so much from me out of the pocket! I have to stay so current just to keep up with you, and it's impossible without tossing around money. Don't call me back, seriously.
Debian - It's amazing how easy it is to fall for you. The problem is I can't believe how rarely you... change. You're always the same, except for those incredible spans of time when you do finally change, and then it's only to be current so all the other girls stop making fun of you. I'm not going to lie... in the time we were together, I kept thinking of your sister. She was always right there in the NOW. It's only ever so often when you finally catch up. I'm moving on, I hope you're not too offended that your sister and I are together now...
Slackware - Maturity, that's you. You're so stable, but you're still able to keep up with all the other girls when you need to. It's just... At first, it was so hard working with you. It was like learning everything all over again. Sometimes I feel you make it harder on purpose. After a while I got used to it, and it's all I know any more. You're so far ahead of me, though. I need to expand, really get to know who I am. We need to take a break, see new people and all of that stuff. Trust me, I'll be back... I just need to be sure you're the one for me.
Gentoo - Baby, you know I love you. You're edgy, you're the girl all the other guys want. You're gorgeous. Best of all it's like you're made just for me. The problem is... you're too edgy. I can't deal with all the constant change. It feels like every other day you get a new hair cut. Just last week you said you absolutely had to update your entire wordrobe, so I decided to help. You had a list of everything, and it was perfect because it was all there...just for you! Then you buy it and none of it fits right, or you just hate it now. WHY?! Seriously, I'd love it if you gave me a call back when you became more... more... stable. Until then, I'm sorry... I have to move on.
Ubuntu - You, you're something special. You were excellent when I introduced you to mom and dad. I can't believe how well you work with all my friends, you're always willing to just get up and go! I've never known a girl so willing to do just what I wanted... It's just... I can't do anything with you. It feels like you completely lack the ability to MAKE anything happen. Sometimes it feels like you're trying to hard to fulfill everyone's needs that you can't cover mine. I need more life, I need to do more. I need a girl that I can get nitty and gritty with. It's true, you're so easy to work with... but it might be too easy. I need someone, someone so we can shape each other. I need a girl that changes the way I think about the world, but a girl that will also change for me.
Here's a couple additions I've heard after originally posting this.
Knoppix From Jonathan Blanton (UNCCLUG) - "So, Knoppix is more of a one-night stand, or just an affair, rather than a real relationship? Ready to go anytime, no strings attached, but don't look for committment. You like her, she's fun and flirty, but you probably wouldn't introduce her to your parents." Yes Jonathan, I agree... Knoppix is such a slut...